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I say Hello to you!
The name is Nur Hidayah.
I have high hopes for myself. I shall work for it.Believe is what I am going to instill in myself. I always enjoy the company of my loved ones. The art of their laughters and presence are always my best remedy. My brain might works similar as Pentium One. But fret not! Slow learners are still loved. |
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mengapa yang lain bisa?
Things are beginning to get fuzzy wuzzy. And I super hate it. I guess I am beginning to lose directions of life slowly.
All I need are supports, motivations. Lots of it. I am always telling myself this, that. But in the end, I fall and I can't really afford to get up. Is just unfair. p/s : I need to stuff my ears with cotton wool and hum to myself whenever there's words/actions that will make me fall over and over again. Girlfriend's belated birthday celebration
Yesterday was my written exam. And I shan't elaborate much. *sigh* Another one coming up on the second July.Anyway, yesterday after my written exam, we had a belated birthday celebration dinner for Girlfriend together with her husband. And at last my request was granted. *smile* I super love it that way.       well toodles~ I am going to my night class. Blog again later, I guess.
Oh-no-is-Monday-tomorrow!
Esok peperiksaan saya. Saya tidak begitu siap untuk persiapan kertas esok. Bagaimana?*scream* Anyway, kinda regret as not to prepare beforehand. Like usual, Hidayah. *geleng kepala* Yesterday, supposedly to prepare the essay question for the seen paper, and today read through for the unseen paper. But *pause* otak blank dok semalam. Hafal pun setotet aje. Hancurrr to the max. Anyway, I just hope for the best aje la. Hoping that somehow today, I am still able to memorize the important key points prior to the questions (seen paper) and those i-think-it-is-important key points. This part. *blank look* My mind is super absorbent when it is in the morning (3-4 am onwards.). And in the afternoon, or should I say when the clock ding-dong to 12 noon, it will goes back to the sungguh-aku-tak-boleh-masuk-otak state. Ok, I think I better get back to *pause* whatever I am going to learn. Oh-no-is-Monday-tomorrow!
p/s: Why? Is just infatuation all along. I wish for some twist somehow. But if it is Ju who is going to be mine one fine day, may ALLAH blessed our journey together till the end of time. Insya ALLAH. nyah. For you.
Oh to that someone there,Nyah, I feel like having this super short entry for you. *smile* Somehow, *kening naik-naik*
Happy tengok itu itu *mulut muncung-muncung* Hopefully somehow whatever that you are having now will goes on well between you and itu itu. Thank you, Teachers.
 Here's to my 2 favourites! Thanks a bunch. I am completely lucky that I was attached to both of you. And I miss you lots! Really. I had fun with both of you. And I am sorry if I ever made any harsh conversations/actions towards both of you. I looked up at both of you more as elder sisters than teachers. I love you both! And do stay in contact. Cause I will still want both of you to be there if I ever get hitch! *hugs both of you tightly* p/s: I forgot my green file AGAIN! I am so over excited that I forgot those important things that I need to do!  Blink 182 - I'm lost without you.
Im Lost Without You - Blink 182 I swear that I can go on forever, again Please let me know that my one bad day will end I will go down as your lover, your friend Give me your lips, and with one kiss we begin Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am, I'm lost without you Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you I'll leave my room open till sunrise for you I'll keep my eyes patiently focused on you Where are you now? I can hear footsteps, I'm dreaming And if you will keep me from waking, to believe this Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you Are you afraid of being alone? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you Are you afraid of leaving tonight? 'Cause I am I'm lost without you I'm lost without you... I'm lost without you... I'm lost without you... I'm lost without you.. I'm lost without you... it is here again.
I had this awful dream. I dreamt that there was this accident happened in front of our eyes. And there were 3 men- 2 men wearing those clothes that patients in the hospital wearing, and the another man wore normal clothes. And Ju attended to them, saying that they are going to hospital. And I called 995. And the person attended to the call was super pretty lembab nak mampus. And the man wearing normal clothes took out a gun and needle in which looked pretty big, the size. He pointed out to Ju, and said that since Ju wanted him to go to the hospital, he would go but he had to shoot/poke Ju. And that part, I forced myself to wake up. Cause, somehow in that dream, I told myself to wake up cause I am scared if I were to continue the dream, bad things will happen to Ju. I woke up and called Ju.Called Ju couple of times. It was 3.40-ish am. Ju called me back. Me : "Yang, I mimpi buruk." Ju : "Ape die?" Me : I mimpi ade 3 orang. 2 orang pakai uniform hospital. Satu orang pakai baju biase. Then dorang accident. You bilang dorang, dorang pergi hospital. Then I gi call hospital. Then orang yang angkat macam berbual lambat gitu. Then orang yang pakai baju biase cakap lau you nak dorang gi hospital, pas tu die keluarkan gun ngn needle. I takut, yang." Ju : Takde ape-ape k, sayang. You just think too much k, yang. Don't think too much, k yang. You calm yourself then gi tido k. I love you." Me : I love you." *letak telefon, tido* I am getting paranoid after this dream. More paranoid to be exact! Oh well never mind. And Sayang, ILY!! Miley Cyrus - The Climb
The Climb - Miley Cyrus I can almost see it That dream I'm dreaming but There's a voice inside my head sayin, You'll never reach it, Every step I'm taking, Every move I make feels Lost with no direction My faith is shaking but I Got to keep trying Got to keep my head held high There's always going to be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always going to be an uphill battle, Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb The struggles I'm facing, The chances I'm taking Sometimes might knock me down but No I'm not breaking I may not know it But these are the moments that I'm going to remember most yeah Just got to keep going And I, I got to be strong Just keep pushing on, cause There's always going to be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle, Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb (yeah) There's always going to be another mountain I'm always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be an uphill battle, Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose, Ain't about how fast I get there, Ain't about what's waiting on the other side It's the climb (yeah yeah ea ea) Keep on moving Keep climbing Keep the faith baby It's all about It's all about The climb Keep the faith Keep your faith Whoa a oh oh.. tra-boom
I had an not-so-awesome-maybe-a-lil-bit weekend.Sunday, my family and I went on a 'makan-durian' tour to Tangkak. Well, I am not so oh-huge fan of durian though. The thought of going to Gunung Ledang somewhat appeals me of following though. We went to the dusun to have durian galore there. And as for me, that means snapping pictures and also help to 'kebas-kebas' for the lalat. Next stop to Gunung Ledang. Well, we just had our lunch there. I thought we went to 'jalan-jalan' and get to know more of that place. But I was wrong. It was more to makan there. Oh well, I decided to jalan-jalan by myself. Well I couldn't possibly explore further, as none of my family members wanted to join me. Oh how sad. Pfft. So I just jalan to the nearest waterfall, in which of course there's no waterfall because it was at the bottom of the bottom. Hah! I guess I will want to go to Gunung Ledang but this time around I wanna learn more of that place, and not possibly went there to have lunch or what-nots. And now the whole house smells of Durian. I can't even spray with perfume. The smell is pretty strong. p/s : Is not I am so mengada-ngada. I just can't eat/smell durian because whenever I let my taste bud working with durian, it somehow make my tekak gatal. And when is gatal, my tekak will make noise in which I believe some of the people ever heard me making such 'tekak-gatal' noise. Pffffft But for sure I can still eat Lempok Durian. Hah! Next Monday is my written exam. And oh ya, yesterday had my oh-so-mini-farewell-party with the kids. *smile* In which they sweetly sang for me Happy Birthday song. Without even asking them too. How fast they grow. Really. And they can be pretty cheeky, No! super cheeky!! Hahh! I can't shed tears yesterday. Even when everything was over. But I guess now, I am feeling a lil melodramatic. I am feeling super super superrrrr missing the kids. Big time. ='( Well, I guess that's part and parcel, isn't it. People come and go. These kids are one of the best things that ever happen to me. Hearts them many-many. I am having my class later. Meeting Ainah in a short while. ~Toodless Have a great day, people!! p/s : I hope I can overcome all these. I hope that even though I felt that I had passed a certain opportunities because of certain circumstances that I can't avoid, Allah will give me better opportunities in time to come. Of course with HIS Blessings. And I adore
And I am so so so GERAM.! Like super super GERAM. With Ju.And when I listened to this song, "Lucky", and I miss this b***. So random. Very. And, a conversation about this Manchester United thingy with Ju. "I heard ticket jual balik yang kat M'sia. Pasal yang ronaldo tu pindah." - Ju "Christiano Ronaldo, ehk?" - Me "Aah." - Ju "Da pindah mane? Pindah Jurong ke, yang?" - Me "Tak la. Pindah sebelah rumah you tu yang baru renovate tu." - Ju Haha. Ok yang! You are super merepek but i still love you! half this and half that.
Today was my 'malas day' at school. Hah! And I said really super malas and super lapar. Maybe not lapar, lapar. But due to menggeram with certain things, I just feel like eating. I really need to learn to have that kind of blur face or perhaps I should be extremely blur, oblivious to my surrounding and still manage to be at my best whenever is time for me to hand in my assignments or understanding whatever that is being taught or doing my exams/tests.Just now, we were on the road along Haig Road area there, and I was burping like really burped, without closing my mouth, totally oblivious to my surrounding. And i turned to my left, there was this van with 3 Malay guys ( I guess) inside turned to me. I was like 'Oh ooohhh' Sungguh malu.com nyahh aku. =pp I need to wake up and start to PREPARE for my written exam! I hope I can pass all the stages that I have set up for myself. Insya ALLAH. p/s : I am going to let you go. Like totally. That was going to be my last message in the MSN. I might not get to see the good side of you out of your own sincerity, but I just hope that you might realise that portion and open up to people around you. Somehow there's something about you. I just have this feeling. Anyway, enough about you. It is just the time to say goodbye. Goodbye. Ayang, are you feeling what I'm feeling? Hahah! Now you understand right. Boo you la yang! Tido dulu then bangun pergi belajar ok. Apaaa mahuuuu bangun pas tu terus belajar!!! =pp Aiya, I pun nanti juga kene. I hope you can pass through all those stages. ILY! <3 Sedap, sedap!
I had flourless chocolate cake as my breakfast. Kakak baked it. Sedap nak mampus!! I was waiting for it like yesterday and the first thing in the morning I woke up for my Subuh, I went to refrigerator to look for it. But it was not really ready yet. And I went to sleep after Subuh amd woke up to have my shower, and Kakak, "Chocolate cake da siap, kat ice box." Woooots~. Sedap nak mampus! And I had it again. *kening naik-naik*I hope I can go through all these. I really have to learn to be ignorant to the surrounding. I guess that's one of the keys to survive in this world. Whatever that had happened, let it be the past. It can happen again, and we make the same mistakes again. But somehow, we will realize and we try not to do it. Often we misinterpret the definition of love and infatuation. Though it will be the 1001 times, we misinterpret those, we will tend to do it again. And love is not about everything. There's still other things we need to be aware of. And not all the things we want, we will have it. To NURULSYUKRIAH; Yeah, let's meet up to sesat AGAIN! Hah! This is for you. Siap-siap to makan. Ikat rambut. And ngappp~ But a smile for the camera first. Hah! Jemput makan. 
Loves.
And I did it. I managed NOT to dial his number. Yeay to me. BOO YOU, MISTER LIAR.Anyway, I am really hoping not to have ANY split headache! Like totally. I so so so wanna do my my seen question. And I wanna try to type out my description for my observation. Saya tidak mahu menjadi seorang pelajar yang pemalas. Sungguh tidak mahu. Meeting Waing again later I guess. And perhaps Ainah, if she is okay to meet up with both of us instead as she ask if I am ok to chill with her after her work. Things between me and Ju, so far is still fairly okay. We had our bickering session just now. And things are back normal again after our dinner at KTM. To Mohamad Juraidi, Thanks for the love and care. I am trying my best not to be so emotional over it. But in the end, I failed. I fail to understand you. I fail to accept the fact that you are like that. I fail to be your best. Sayang, is you or nobody at all. I love you. And to my one and only girlfriend, Happy belated 22nd birthday! Hope you are blessed in good health and semoga perkahwinan yang telah dibina berkekalan hingga ke akhir hayat. Insya ALLAH. We are going to meet up around 20-ish for your celebration ok. Together with both of our partners. I love you, girlfriend. 
sayang.
SAAT TERAKHIR (ST12).mp3 - Sayang, I need to be with you. And it hurts me to hear, to see you. Cause whenever I look at you, all I can think about is that news. Sayang, tears are all that I shed nowadays. I know I should be strong, and also is not really confirm yet. All I want is to hug you tight. Everything around me reminds me of you. I am sorry for whatever I had done to you. You told me recently not to leave you. And I told you yesterday not to leave me too. And I can't bear to have that feeling when I lost my loved ones. Thank you. You are one of the best things that ever happen to me. 
The retard-ness Part 1
 Random post for the retard-ness.
I miss you!
And so today I have my class. Oh well. I thought I do not have any until Friday till Ainah message.Anyway, I hope that Ju will soon get through all these things. It is really driving me crazy. I know that he really want this and he is really making efforts to pass all these. I hope he will gets what he aim for. Insya ALLAH.  I feel somehow I change. I guess change for the better. Somehow I am learning not to be really dependent on him. And I gets to take public! -__-. For that, I can say super tak suke nak mampus! Boleh and SELALU sesat! Okay, super mengada-ngada!! Is like since Ju told me the news, I feel like I am drifting apart from Ju. We rarely spend time together. And I am so used of having him around in the daytime till night time or till late afternoon. But now due to this training of his, I get to see him like only night time, or not at all. And I am more worried about him. I miss him. So much. I love you ok, sayang!
P/s : Da lama tak gi karaoke. Meh kite nyanyi lagu Halal ok! I'll scream with you
I miss going out with Ju during daytime. And he have to stay another 4 more weeks. Bummer!And my left side is still throbbing. Another bummer! And I feel that my whole body is still sleeping while my eyes are widely open. p/s : Now, now, now. A minah? Oh ya, a 'minah mampat'. Of course, your favourite. And your phone is ringing despite the fact that you told me you had a flight at 7.30am and I actually checked it was actually at 8.10am And I called like around 10 plus, I suppose. Super big time Liar. That I shall chop clearly on your forehead. I had done my description. Just need to type it out. And at least I have the idea of the seen question. I am sorry for being rude, and react in such manner. Just give me space. I have my own way of doing my things. This is my life. Please. I love the three of you. I just could not bring myself to say it or show it that much. Yellow, red and black. Not really.Recommendable, earth colours, red and black. Nice. I believe. Not.
I rather be in Ju's position. I do not want Ju to feel any pain nor anything happen to him. Sometimes I wish that we are married and I can always see his face, meet him, attend to his needs. And the thought of it lingers again. The news upsets me. Alot. And I hope that it is not what I thought it is. Ya Allah, please give me strength. I just want my boyfriend, my family to be in good health.p/s p/s : You are a liar! You are a liar! You are a liar! And I am having my head throbbing on the left side. I am meeting Hud in awhile at Tampines Interchange McD. And there's my second observation which is due tomorrow. But somehow it is just the description, not the interpretation. And there's still my written examination on the 29 June. And I have to prepare the seen question. And still I can't get my brain to process. Another p/s: I am stupid enough to think that somehow there is still me exist in your life. Like I said, Scrap lu. Soon. Pretty soon. I will.
I feel that I am going to lose bunch of my loved ones. And I know losing people is part and parcel in life. Seriously, I just have to be strong. And I can only hope and pray that everything will turn out to be the best I ever have. Insya ALLAH.
Ya ALLAH, please give me the strength. Rivermaya. You'll be safe here.
Dan sebenarnya ku ingin scrap mu.
The song from Yuna, 'Dan sebenarnya' stuck inside my head. And I can't get enough of it. Thanks to Wany. =) And oh ya, before this blogskin was up, another blogskin with the yellow-ish background right, remember about the post that the MixPod terselit somewhere 'About Me', Haikal helped me through the terselit to tak-terselit lagi. Thanks nyahhh! =)Anyway, Good Morning to everyone! Macam kemaruk gitu kan blog sini. =p And I did it. Again. Something that I was not suppose to be proud of. Definitely not. Somehow I think, I ought to just completely erase him from my life. Like completely! Not even a call to him, nor picking up a call from him. Maybe I ought to stop this delusional idea about somehow I want him but I dun want him/need him. Period. I do not want to prolong these and somehow it will become worse and worse. I know I should stop these like that point of time. But somehow I didn't. I shall try out for like a day again today, not going to press the number 9******* anywhere, not even the home phone nor thinking of the song, 'Sayang *silence*' and going back to the You Tube and type the name of the *silence* nor thinking of the stuffs that have happened between the process of 'his-wanting-to-understand/get to know-me-but-end-up-not'. Somehow, he did somewhere but I afraid it is like 'ada udang di sebalik batu' when he brought up this one part or maybe a lot of *silence again*. Somehow BINGO. Oh I shall stop. Oh wait all he can talk is about the part of *silence* after marriage. I am super uncomfortable with that. Super. Ok scrappp that. Anyway, yesterday had conversation with Ibu, and she asked about Ju *smile* this and that. *smile* p/s: I want to smile and laugh together with Ju. I miss Ju. The surprise call.
Headache and headache! Ouchh and more ouchhh!Anyway, unexpectedly he called. I was expecting Ju though. Oh well. Next week, he is flying off to Japan with MXPX *ROFL* *roll eyes* Please, I am not that dumb. And what's so difficult to tell me truthfully. Be your girlfriend, then can tell me truthfully? Oh please. I have expectations when it comes to marriage. And one of them, is to be able to live together with my parents under the same roof. And looks like he is hesitant though. The rest of the details I shan't continue. Anyway, Ju passed one of the tests in shooting. Alhamdullilah. =)) And Ju is going to have exams next week. Hopefully Ju will get through all these with ease. Ju is having his flu, and what-nots. And it does make me worry more. Get well, sayang. =)) And I am just waiting for you to finish your training, because it make me feel that I am having a boyfriend who is serving NS. ~Bleargh To him:- Getting into marriage is not entirely about making sex secara halal. Look further and understand it well. I certainly have doubts about you over and over again. But somehow, the difference in you does still make a different. one by one.
It is so super merepek la kan.You asked me all those shite questions, and now you are publishing those pictures with someone wearing tudung. So contradicting. Seriously, play with rules la if you wanna play this kind of game. I might not ace in this game, but somehow I understand the twist and turns in these. Okay this one, Out. I hope another one will soon be out too. I know I am in denial somewhere. Good afternoon!!
*stretching* *time check, 12.51pm*Oh I am stuck with the inserting music to this blog and making it to be seen. I mean this 'MixPod' is stuck in 'About Me' and cannot be seen completely. Well, I shall just leave it like that for the time being. As days goes by, I realize you are just another liar and I hate you so. But by the end of the day, it is still you I am still missing. I hate you so. For missing you. I am missing that someone out there. Well, perhaps just a tinge of it though. I know I am not suppose to, but oh well, I am trying very hard. Super hard. Every night, somehow the 'thumbs-up conversations' kept ringing in my head. And the 'oh-so cair' voice too. *sigh* Hey, there. This is my new blog. Kinda excited about it though. Heh! Though I have my multiply, and seems is very rare for me to blog it out that often. I guess I am having the downside of life right now. Oh not emo-ing or anything okay. Is just that recently, I had just witnessed my girlfriend's wedding, and things I know will be very different. Things won't be the same. Well, congratulations again to my one and only girlfriend, Siti Nurzarifah. Happy for you nyah, and I love you! *hugs* Happy honey moon-ing!! Next week, Insya ALLAH, I will be having a 30 minutes mini farewell party with my super-katnam-adorable kids at the centre I was attached to. And it will going to be my ever last day with them there. I am so gonna miss my main teacher and Laoshi. They are some of the best people I ever came across in the journey of this industry I am in. And of course I will miss the kids. Super big time!! How can I not miss them? They are those bunch that will just make my days seems right. Even a hug with 'tembam' in a dream made me feel so right. Missing Star - Yuna The newborn.
Here I am. =)
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