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I say Hello to you!
The name is Nur Hidayah.
I have high hopes for myself. I shall work for it.Believe is what I am going to instill in myself. I always enjoy the company of my loved ones. The art of their laughters and presence are always my best remedy. My brain might works similar as Pentium One. But fret not! Slow learners are still loved. |
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playing with my mind, hurts me most.
I am up already. Bummer! '-__- Actual reason woke me up was a call from (I will fill this blank). And after a short conversation, we put down the phone, and I wanna go back to sleep, I have my sinus coming up. Just how great!Oh well, things change perhaps, we shall see, but as for me, it doesn't change. I hope. But just a tinge -__- , yeah yeah, I am in denial. But just teeny weeny portion hokay! I just hope things will be ok during Ju's appointment. I know he is just trying very hard not to get so tensed up. He cover it up by keep on asking me about the lesson plans, trying to think up of animals that I can easily make for my lesson plans. When I talked to him on the phone, I weep silently just out of nowhere. This is half-ly serious. I cried all of a sudden with no jiwang-jiwang song in the background, or what-not. Will he be ok? Will there be bad news? Or will there be good news but somehow things will change? Ayang, whatever the result will be, ada hikmah di sebalik itu semua. Insya ALLAH, tidak ada apa-apa. Although I wanna be there for him in whatever circumstances, but I am just scared if I can't really handle it at its worst. I need strength somewhere. But this is our relationship. Only the two of us plays major role in this play. Though I am pretty determined that I want to strongly be there, but I am just as scared if his presence slowly disappear from this play. Somehow, all those conversations that we had if after we get hitched, I do feel the happiness and kinda look forward being with him. But after which I will tend to play around with my mind somehow. What ifs? will just came up. A dream from his younger sister, dreams from me. What are the signs telling us? Telling me? That's the least I want to happen in my life. It did happened in his life, but I do not want mine to happen in the same way. I am just not as strong as he is. I have such phobia. Of course, who wants to see the loved one going away and never coming back. And here I am, shedding tears again, called him up and listened to his voice. Sayang, I love you. That's all I can afford to say. There's few things that I just wanna tell to whoever that's close, but I just can't afford to. I change. I am not my own self. No. And I hate this changes. I just swallow things up. I want things to go my way in such I confide stuffs to people, cried my heart out, consoled by them, and when they say, "Things will be just fine.", in a click, things will be happily ever after. Life doesn't work in such manner. Even though bad stuffs happen, good stuffs will come soon after. Maybe not as fast as we want, but soon. But waiting for it, seems painful enough. Sometimes I just hate getting into a relationship, shits happen. Oh wait, not only relationship, but around us too. |